You don't have to be so brave

NOTE: If you don't want to hear about bodily fluids and would like to read a post about Shakespeare please move to the post below. This blog moves from vomit to the bard quickly...what can I say? Welcome to our adventures...all types!

Well, you should all be very glad that technology hasn't developed enough to let smells through cyberspace. Our house stinks! Penny has had a horrible stomach bug. It started last night after dinner. She crawled to the bathroom and started puking all over the floor. We didn't think anything could be left in her. No fever and she was a smiley happy baby right after the incident. So we gave her a bath, a small cup of milk like usual and put her to bed. I was unsure about going to see Macbeth, but Chris said everything would be fine. When I got home I went in to check on her. The moment I opened the door, the smell hit me. I neared the crib and saw it running down the crib, all over the blankets and her pajamas, and pretty much a helmet on her hair. Chris felt horrible, but he said she never cried. Maybe she never woke up...or this whole "cry it out" thing has backfired, and she won't even cry for her mama and dada when covered with throw up. (Do you like how I can blame myself and become mama martyr in every situation? At least I recognize it and admit it, right?)

We took her out of the crib and started removing her pajamas, but she was barely awake. The big decision to wake her up for a full bath or wipe her down. It required a call to my mom. The final decision was to wipe her down with a warm washcloth. I was able to get most of it out of her hair. This happened by 11:30. By 5 am we were out of all clean crib sheets, last pair of clean pajamas and a very tired Strand family. Chris was absolutely wonderful. He took care of all of it until 4 am. Once we didn't have any clean crib bedding he brought her into the bed with us. She threw up on his side so I took over at that point while he went to the couch. The poor baby was so thirsty. She kept saying "agua agua". We'd give her agua, she'd fall asleep sipping on her cup, and it would come right up. She wasn't even waking up when it happened, but there was no way I could let her sleep in it so we just kept changing sheets, changing her pajamas without disturbing her too much and cleaning her up with warm washcloths. In a desparate moment when she wanted more water, I actually offered her cherry crush. It's like 7 up right? She didn't like it.

It all seemed to be over this morning. First thing was a full long bath! That was followed by breakfast when she kept down some oatmeal. We both took a 4 hour nap. Then this evening she was a happy giggly self. She was very gassy though. Her loud toots kept cracking her up, which in turn cracked us up. So it seems fart humor is nature and not nurture--at least in our family! Well, I won't get into too much detail on this one, but we had another episode out the other end. I told her "please, please, please wake us up if you don't feel well! Don't sleep in it" We'll see what happens....

(Who knew I could write this much about a stomach bug? Please go read a classic or some important current events to make up for your reading material here. I flip back and forth between PBS documentaries and Real Housewives...it all evens out)

Sorry folks but I had to jump in here on this post. I know it has been forever since I've posted anything, but I felt that my unique descriptive talents could be used here...also I find potty humor hilarious. From this day forth Penny's digestive system will be labeled as a weapon of mass destruction banned by international law. What Laura left out was the real reason that I was sleeping on the couch. After the vomiting in our bed, I took Penny back to her room. Now at this point Penny has retched twice on herself and has developed a rather unique fragrance despite me wiping her down multiple times with a washcloth...a hang-over special if you will. Now combine that with whatever splatter is remaining in her room and you got a feast for the senses, (NO OPEN FLAME, EXPLOSIVE). Rather than just lay her down and flee the room, I needed to abate the guilt for my early failure of not realizing she was sleeping in vomit. So I took up a seat in the rocking chair as Penny did not want to be left alone. Two hours later and with the smell of fetid yogurt and god knows what else we fed her that night permanently burned into my nasal passages, I crawled into the one room left in the house that had some fresh air. Having been the bearer of many a projectile vomit incidents, I would just like to thanks all those care givers of mine out there in reader land who survived.
Now before you read any further a word of warning. Anyone who has a rather vivid imagination may want to skip the next part and move on to the review of the play..........................................................................................................Still here? OK!!! This is what happened tonight after those funny "toots" Laura mentioned. You know back when you were a kid and you made a home made volcano? You mix the vinegar and baking soda and you get that ever expanding foaming mess. Yeah that's what came out of Penny's diaper. A POO-POO volcano! Look I've seen things in my time.....horrible things, but few things can compare with that. What added to the effect was the sulfurous smell that accompanied the explosion. Basically we are having to burn the carpet, the clothes she was wearing, the rug in the bathroom, my clothes, my shoes, the curtains....I'm working on sanding the wood floors, stripping the paint of the walls and ceiling....the only thing stopping me from just blowing up the house and calling it a day is the fear that it might spread the contaminent to the outside world. What have I helped to bring into the world? Ah well, I cannot say that I don't contain a small measure of pride however. It is great the way Penny can keep me laughing the whole time a crime against nature is taking place. Not to get cliche', but it is an important lesson to find a little humor in any situation....not matter how horrible....the horror....the horror.
And now like Lady Macbeth, I return to my scrubbing "out out, damn spot!"--Chris