Out of the mouth of Penny

I'm going to have to do these more often. So amusing to hear how she interprets the world.

After seeing a fire truck "Mommy, the fire men beat up the fires then they go to the trees to get the kitties"

A slight mispronunciation: "I really want a teat set for my birthday.  A teat set with princesses on it. My dolly and I can drink teat and eat cookies"

Wanting the impossible: "Mommy, I want to know everyone's name. Tell me everyone's name. Everyone in the world"

Rushing life a tad too quickly: "I want to get marry. Mommy and daddy, can you find me a boy and I can get marry? Maybe I can get marry tomorrow? can you pick me a dress?"

An interest in science: "Can I touch a star? Will it be hot or cold? do the stars go to china?"

The library "Can we go to the libary? I need more for my DVD covection" (I asked her to repeat this twice. I couldn't believe she was talking about her DVD collection, but then she showed me the drawer of DVDs and said she needed "lots and lots in my covection"

Watching the Julie Andrews version of Cinderella: "Mommy, Mary Poppins is 'tending to be Cinderella. She's so silly."

Speaking of silly Penny says everything is "so silly" or "so cuuuute." Also, when she is explaining something she lifts one lip and looks like Elvis. I've tried to get it on camera, but haven't been able to yet.

Follow-up post and Parties galore

Well, it's kind of hard to follow-up after the last blog post. Thank you for your comments. I do want to say that I later read it, and I felt like it made my current anxiety sound worse than it is. I finally got to a place where I could write a little bit about what I went through last year and everything I'm doing to keep things balanced so it doesn't happen again. Writing the post helped me evaluate and remember the techniques I worked on with the life coach. I think the reason I rarely ever share this part of my life is I've always felt guilty dealing with anxiety and depression. I look around at people who struggle with real problems...poverty, illness, abuse etc, and I wonder how I can be so upset when I have so much in my life. Always about taking a deep breath and keeping things in perspective...

And on that note, we had a weekend filled with fun and laughter where I put all the stress and worries aside.  Sometimes when we pack so much in a weekend it goes by in a flash, but this one seemed long, even though it was busy.

First on Saturday we had Penny's birthday party with her day care friends. I broke the rules and didn't invite Penny's whole class. She just switched classes 2 weeks ago so she doesn't even know some of the kids names and still talks a lot about the kids from her preschool class. We invited 10 kids and EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. RSVP'd YES! What?! Is that telling about the Rochester social scene? The preschool parties are the top Saturday activity. We planned a Dora party at the small zoo/park. I'm swearing off outdoor parties! Last year it rained. This year it was "unseasonably cool." The Weather Channel said due to the wind chill it would feel like 36 degrees at the start of the party. It was 75 just a couple days ago. Insane! And yet everyone showed up.

I came up with doing "Find the Animal" bingo and enlisted my brother and Jenn to make the game cards. They did an excellent job, especially since these are all local animals like fishers, porcupines, red tailed hawks. They threw in some elephants, penguins and lions so you actually had to work a little bit to get bingo. The kids loved it. They raced all around the zoo with parents chasing after them. The animals must wonder why they are the ones in the cages!

We had this great idea of giving the kids maps to walk to the picnic area but it was so darn cold the majority of the families drove. (Oh, did you notice Penny isn't wearing her coat? Yeah, she refused to put it on. What a Minnesotan! Two of the boys showed up in shorts and their mom said she couldn't convince them to put on pants. I think we are all in denial that the cold is here).

We did the pinata. Has anyone actually had kids break open the pinata? After 10 minutes we broke open the hatch and I threw the candy out to everyone.

I love Penny's reactions in these photos.

And the candy is on the ground.

 I didn't get any photos of lunch or Pin the Tail on the Swiper. It wasn't until the kids sat down for lunch that we heard any complaints about the cold. Only one parent was originally from Minnesota. Most of the parents had all moved to Rochester in the past few years as fellows or residents. We had families from Ireland, England, Colorado, the east coast. Due to the cold everyone started sharing their first Minnesota winter story, the benefit of snow tires, snow shovels. Good ice breaker! (sorry, I had to...the bad Henry puns are genetic).

Penny and her Dora cake. We never got all 4 candles lit at once due to the wind.

I did not get nearly as many pictures as I wanted, but that's how it goes for the host I guess. I wanted Penny to open presents at the party, but I thought that would be torture to make the kids sit in the cold to watch her. One of the dads did stop us at the end to say his son got up at 7 am to make his card for Penny. It is adorable. It has all these construction paper hearts and watercolor paper and says LOVE. I wish he had been able to see her reaction when she opened it because she said "this is so cuuute!" 4-year-olds are hilarious.

After opening the gifts at home, we got back in the car to head up to my friend Kelly's Oktoberfest party north of St. Paul. Penny got to see Libbi and I got to catch up with a ton of friends. Kelly set up a great scavenger hunt for the kids.

Adam looks like a little boy now!

I got to hand out some baby knits to my friends. They've been sitting here in Rochester for months. Now they can actually use them.

Baby Mara

remember that snowflake hat I started for Penny? I realized about halfway through it was going to be too small.  I gave it to Big Sister Gwen. It was even a bit small for her. Need to have the ears covered.

Smiley Henry seemed happy with his hat.

Penny and Libbi were sword fighting

Such fashionable mamas!

Kelly's dad did a German sing along. Penny said "that was a good show. Can he do it again?" Encore from a 4-year-old is high praise! 

Why don't we try to get our moms and girls photo at the beginning of the night instead of when we are leaving and they are cranky pants?  I don't know the name of the kid photo bombing, but at least he's smiling with his eyes open!

And today we went to breakfast, cleaned the house, enjoyed the school carnival on the next block, and went to the library. I feel refreshed to start another full week!

(I'm just sharing this photo because I love her outfit.  I remember in 2nd grade wanting a bubble skirt so bad! When Chris saw her come out of her room he said "laura, are you dressing her  in an outfit you want to wear?" I don't think I can pull off a bubble skirt with leggings, but I'd have to say yes, I'd like this outfit in an adult size :)

The comparisons

Last year when I was in a very down place I went to a life coach. Now I'm not the "go-to-counselor" type. My mom convinced me once in high school and it was a horrendous experience that I never wanted to try again. But last year I had worn thin my family's patience with my anxiety. I'd get 3 hours of sleep pacing around the house all through the work week and then take 2 naps on the weekends. My brain was like a pinball machine that would never turn off, and I needed help. When your 2 1/2-year-old tells you every morning "don't cry mommy. You go to work now" you know there's a problem.

And let me tell you the life coach made such a difference. I only had 4 sessions with her, but she helped me see things very differently, especially how to work with difficult people and conflict. She also gave me a few books. One was called "The Chemistry of Joy." I admit I didn't read the whole thing. I'm not much one for the self-help genre, and midway through it got very new-agey.  However, the beginning was eye-opening for me. The author talked about the different ways people react to anxiety and depression. Some people will become very angry and have a "the world is out to get me" attitude and be very restless and angry. Others are sluggish, passive, the "hide under the blanket, stop going to work and out of the house" kind. Then there are those who feel like they are never good enough, people will find out they are a big fake, and they see everyone else living the perfect life. That's me.

Once the anxiety begins my mind convinces me I'm the biggest sham on the planet. As an adult 99% of my anxiety revolves around work and doing things right and making sure people believe I'm competent and like working with me. Even as a kid I'd have anxiety over how I was perceived by people around me. For instance in 2nd grade I was terrified my parents would get divorced, which of course would tell the world that we weren't a happy family and it was all fake. I even told the Schwan's man to not talk to my mom because she and my dad were married. I'd have very real recurring nightmares. I remember a "Dad and kids" night where Dad took the 3 of us to Denny's. I was so worried that people would think my parents were divorced that I said loudly "Can we watch a movie all together with mom when we get home?" and other things to include my mom and dad in one sentence. My dad told me I didn't need to yell across the booth not understanding that I desperately wanted the old couple behind him to know my parents were happily married.. It took me a long time to find this divorce fear as humorous as the rest of my family. It was a real fear for a big chunk of my elementary school life.

The absolute worst part of my anxiety though is the comparing. I've always been bad at comparing myself to others. I wonder if it is part of being a fraternal twin. I've talked to other fraternal twins who constantly felt in competition with one another. People love to point out how different fraternal twins are from each other. So we compared ourselves against each other and then us against the outside world. Heck, in high school my sister and I would walk around the mall and say "does my butt look big like that girl? Is my haircut as cute as her?" Horrible, huh? I also come from a very competitive family. The saying in our house wasn't "Practice makes perfect." it was "Perfect practice makes perfect" meaning don't be the kid being lazy and doing a half-assed practice, get out there and do it at your A game every time. (I still don't get what exactly "half-assed" means, but it was said a lot in our house, especially about my chores...maybe one day I'll learn how to do chores full-assed. If you saw our laundry pile right now you would put it in the half-assed" category)

Most times I do know how much we have: health, jobs, time for vacation, love, family etc. Bring on the anxiety and I lose all perspective. In some ways as an adult I feel it is much easier to make comparisons. In high school there are only so many comparisons you can make: clothes, weight, grades, sports. Now it can be keeping up with the Joneses (houses, cars, money) or parenting (kids who never seem to misbehave, the genius 3-year-old, the little girls who look like they actually let their moms brush their hair), or the career people (climbing the ladder, master's degrees, awards), or the fitness/beauty people and don't get me started on all the hobbies people accomplish. Although I do love being busy and doing fun activities, part of the driving force for the "keep busy and experience everything you can" mindset is this inadequacy feeling.  Now that I realize making comparisons is actually a very common emotional reaction to anxiety, I'm trying to recognize it as a symptom, take time with Chris and Penny without forcing them into some mold of "perfect life", go into nature to quiet my mind, remember everything we've done...basically the cliche "count your blessings."

So why am I pouring my heart out now? I guess because I didn't think it would happen to this level again. Unlike last year I'm very happy with my job and my work, but it is a high stress time and it's taking a toll. I didn't really realize how bad I've been mulling in my "grass is greener on the other side" thoughts, until it seemed like the entire world tried to remind me that I am who I am and to stop comparing or worrying what others think. More likely there are a lot of other people dealing with the same issue and that's why I see it everywhere. Here are 2 sayings I saw on facebook this past week:

I want to put this on my refrigerator, dashboard, ceiling when I wake up...

Then on the blog aptly called Enjoying the Small Things by Kelle Hampton, I read this about motherhood:

Trying to keep afloat, pickin' and choosin' each day which balls we're going to attempt to keep up in the juggling act while a few fall at our feet, waiting for their turn [...]This is how life works though, and when you add it all together--perfect snuggly crafty days, mama dates and family dinners plus busy work days, babysitter nights and "Candyland is going to have to wait" afternoons, it can still equal Really Good Mom.
This fact is powerful when you catch yourself comparing your methods and outcomes with other mamas (it's a wash--don't do it). When you see the seems-like-she-does-everything pizzaz of another mom, know that she's enjoying a shining moment among many other kinds of moments, and be happy for her. And when you see a mom who might be losing her cool or maybe arranging her priorities differently than you would, assume that there are other days when things shift and she too enjoys that shining moment of everything-feels-just-right. Amen? Amen. Isn't it nice when we don't have the pressure of figuring out everyone else's life for them?

http://www.kellehampton.com/ (this is a great blog if you don't have it in your reader. You have to read her birth story of her second child that's in the "if you are new here" section. Have tissues nearby.

I also read this NY Times article "On Being Nothing" http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/09/09/on-being-nothing/?smid=fb-share This is less about comparisons as it is about wanting people to notice you and approve. Here were my favorite parts:

 As adults, our successes give us little pleasure unless sweetened by others’ admiration. If we dress up, there must be others to see us or our work seems wasted — no one wears a tuxedo at home. A marvelous gardener once told me (speaking for human nature) that he takes more delight in a single garden visitor’s compliment than in all the shrubs and flowers he has ever planted. What is this craving for another’s eye to rest upon us?
Upon reflection, a desire for recognition seems irrational. Since we live in our own minds, why should we care what thoughts are in the minds of others? Is this not like a Canadian fretting about the weather in Mexico? How to explain this need for notice is debatable. Are we so doubtful of our worth that others must attest to it? Conversely, are we so certain of our worth that others must bow down to it?
 There must be a Copernican revolution of the self. Instead of pointlessly cursing the sun to go around me, my chance of contentment is learning to orbit, being the world’s audience instead of demanding the world be mine. If the world is a stage, then everyone’s an extra, acting minor roles in simultaneous scenes in which no one has the lead. With so much happening, society is poorly made to satisfy pride, but well made to satisfy interest, if we will only let go of our vanity and join the swirl of activity.

And I better hit post on this now before I delete everything. Maybe 10 people in the world know this is behind the smile...and I'm publishing it for anyone in the world to stumble upon. I may need to find another life coach.

Mostly Wordless Wednesday--Huh?

The other day at the Fall Festival I was taking pictures of Penny doing an art project and caught Chris making really funny faces:

 I started laughing and he said "you turn around and try not to make that face" this is what I saw:

See that doll hooked up to the truck? It had other "dolls" like that too. Weird! It did pretty much make me speechless so pretty fitting for a Wordless Wednesday. I think Chris's face says it all.

My BFF

I only made friends with her a year ago...I wish I had met her 4 years ago...

My sony A33 has been wonderful to me. I went into the camera store with some ideas of what I wanted. The salesperson asked me to describe what I wanted...fast click, screen where I could see what was happening so I didn't have to see in the viewfinder, fewer blurry photos, close-ups and long distance. He brought out a camera and lens double my budget and had me walk around the store with it. Then did the same thing with the camera I thought I wanted. Well, I guess there is a reason some things are double the budget! I ended up buying the A33, but not with the lens that comes with it. Instead I got a tamaron lens that seemed monstrous, but the sales guy promised me that in less than a year I'd be coming in wanting a different lens if I bought any SLR camera with the kit lens. I did get a deal because the newest model, the A55, had just been named the best budget SLR on the market (note...budget means you are pushing $1K+ once you get the lens and everything.)

I've been so happy with my purchase! I love that I can take pictures like these

But I really don't have any ambition to be an amateur nature photographer or anything like that. Nope, I love this camera for these images where I need to click fast.

And getting pictures of kids together

The long distance lens paid off. Charlotte hates the camera...good thing I could snap this halfway across the yard with her having no idea

Or this one of Penny looking over daddy's shoulder. I was about 12 feet away when i quickly snapped this one.

And the timer has been great! Yay for family pictures

The other bonus is that Sony has the best video camera on the market in a DSLR. Video wasn't even something on my must have list. The one downside is the size. I don't have a small camera to slip into my pocket. I don't have a smartphone or even a small point and shoot digital since mine broke last year. But it really hasn't been that hard. I love having the fast clicks. I don't think I could go back to the "push the button and watch Penny move out of the scene by the time the click happens" shots.  I don't have as many candid photos of us on a weekday dog walk or impromptu playground trip since it is pretty big. I don't do any editing besides some cropping when I'm putting them in my shutterfly album. I probably could make the photos a lot better if I learned how to edit. I should take some DSLR classes because I'm barely scratching the surface of what it can do. It is definitely one purchase that I will always say was worth the investment.

4 years old

Penelope has been talking about being 4 for months. And the day finally arrived!

She wandered into our room at 5:45 and said "mommy, I'm hungry...time to wake up Mommy"
I said "Happy Birthday, Penny!" and she squealed. She seemed to have forgotten but not for long since this is what she saw when she walked into the living room. We've been receiving boxes all week, but have been hiding them in the closet. Too much temptation! She started opening around 6:30 when we could drag chris out of bed. (12 min video for family who want to watch at the bottom of the blog)

I loved when Penny opened her dress-up chef costume from Grandma and Grandpa Chuck. She said "mommy, a cooker costume! I get to be a cooker!"

We then headed to the Fall Festival at Quarry Hill Nature Center. I'm so glad I happened to see this flyer a few months ago. I was so excited that it was on Penny's birthday. They had all sorts of kids activities.

Decorate a pumpkin

Sand art

Bug eyes obstacle course

"bug eyes" obstacle course

Bowling

Painting plaster animal feet. Hers was a pocupine

 But the absolute best part of the fall festival...the Okee Dokee Brothers! I may have mentioned them once or twice on the blog. We love them. If you are looking for kids music where you can sing along to that's not Old McDonald or Raffi you should definitely check them out. Their early music has more kids mixed with an alternative music vibe to it, while their newer music is definitely bluegrass. The Spanish CD is great too. We first saw them in January 2010 when I was desperate to find something for us to do on a -20 degree day. That concert was at a local music store in Minneapolis. It was so crowded we really didn't get to see them, but loved the music and bought the CD. As of today we have now been to 5 concerts.  In Minneapolis every concert has been packed with at least 100-200 kids. Totally different in Rochester. By the end of the concert there were maybe 50 kids, but for the majority the "dance floor" was Penny, my coworker's daughter Ruthie, and 2 other girls. 

Ruthie and Penny love it!

They just met today and they acted like they've been friends for years. Love when little kids do that Aren't they so cute?

Here's a video of them doing the "auction song" here in Rochester


can you believe she didn't win? I mean she was pretty much the side show. I wish I had a video of the same song in Minneapolis. It was a sea of kids doing the auction.

the train song...always a favorite

Do-si-do with Mommy

 And the big moment...she got pulled on stage! We've seen this song every time we've gone to their concert so she knew they'd be asking for volunteers. She got a teeny bit of stage fright in her first public performance

Best part of the small audience...Penny got her photo taken with the Okee Dokee Brothers. What a birthday!

Headed home. 

"daddy, I'm going to pretend I'm a sleeping baby" I said she was pretending to be a sack of potatoes.

She was pulling the "But its my birthday" card all day that chris said he was going to throw her into the woods.

My favorite people in the whole world

Below are the loooong videos of Penny opening presents. 

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