Let this be the worst day

Today I didn't turn my phone off in a meeting and today I got the phone call from daycare that every working parent fears: "we are going to call 911. We think Penny had a seizure"

I will start with saying that Penny is asleep in our bed right now surrounded with her doll and teddy bear so she is home now.

I met Chris at the emergency room as she was being wheeled out of the ambulance. As I ran towards her my little Penelope looked at me and looked away. She didn't know who I was. She was wheeled into a room right away. I tried to put my arm around her but just looked at me with a blank stare. The fingers on her left hand moved constantly like she was trying to play the piano and she rolled her tongue in her mouth over and over again. We had to take off her vomit soaked uniform and put her in a set of pediatric pajamas 2 sizes too big.  It took about an hour before she seemed to recognize us and say a few words. When the doctor examined her she became extremely irritable and started violently vomiting. Within minutes of that she was lethargic and only wanted to sleep. They had us go to ultrasound to see if they could find an answer for the stomach pain and vomiting. She had fitful sleep through most of the process and cried when she was woken up. The doctor who saw her was very concerned by her fitful sleep and tiredness that he was getting ready to order a CT scan and admit us for the night. They don't like to do a CT scan and put that much radiation in a little one unless they absolutely feel it is necessary. But a half hour later the woman doing the EKG woke Penny up and it was like the whole episode didn't happen. She was our fun little chatterbox, full of smiles and more than willing to teach all the nurses and doctors the names of the Disney Princesses. So we did a waiting game for 2 hours while we waited for the lab results. She kept food down, watched movies, colored, wrote her name. The paperwork we were given says she had a seizure-like episode and intense vomiting. They can't say seizure since the paramedics or ER docs didn't witness it. So now we are at home, Chris and I still shaking.

I learned that seizures are not that uncommon in young kids. They will happen when a child has a head injury or is sick with a high fever. Penny had none of these which makes it more complicated. The other concerning part was the amount of time it took her to get out of the "post-seizure fog." That was the almost 4 hours where she didn't talk, became irritable, fell asleep and woke up in 30 second increments. This could likely be a one time thing that will never happen again...or it could be a list of things which one doctor listed. The list included the words infection or tumor. The labs were negative for infection.  She was referred to neurology for tests to rule other things out. I'm trying not to be the catastrophist that is my nature. I know enough information about rare childhood disease to scare the bejeezus out of me. For instance, when she was getting the ultrasound I thought to myself "well, if it is Wilm's tumor the survival rates are 97%" I was racking my brain for all the genetic disease I know. "adrenoleukodystrophy? Nope, too young and she's a girl, even for boys that's a 1 in 30,000 chance, okay, what's that other one that affects girls...I'm pretty sure she is too old for that one"

I'm trying to get my head around the idea of this being a one time fluke with no known cause. It makes me feel like I have no control (are you thinking, guess what, you don't have control, Laura?). But a one-time fluke is better many of the other problems where you really have very little control. I guess it will be trusting our instincts when we meet with neurology regarding the testing and how much we do. It sure helps to know that people from around the world come here for pediatric neurology.

The doc told me if I notice any abnormal behavior or if the vomiting starts again to bring her back to the ER. I have to admit, if she sneezes in her sleep, we may be back in the hospital. Chris and I discussed that we may be co-sleeping for the next 14 years.

Speaking of Chris it is interesting how we deal with things and what we find cathartic. He does not want to talk about how he saw her at daycare with the paramedics. I guess she was completely unresponsive and couldn't move her right side. Very scary. Here I am blogging about the whole experience to anyone who wants to read it. But in the moment of it, we helped each other stay calm, listen to the doctors and ask questions. This moment made me realize the strength of our little family.

I'm headed to bed to snuggle with my little one.