Stranger Danger??

My office is on the same floor as a child and family life psychologist's office. In the afternoon I tend to be leaving about the same time as many of the families. Today I held open the elevator for an adorable girl with pigtails, probably 3 or 4, and her mom. As she got on I said "You can push the button if you'd like." She got a big smile and her mom helped her select the correct one. I commented that I liked her stickers. The front of her shirt was plastered with about a dozen stickers. As she started to tell me about one of them, her mother shot me the dirtiest look ever, grabbed her daughter's shoulder and said "Who is this woman?!" the daughter of course replied "I don't know." Her mom said "That's right. She is a stranger. You don't talk to strangers. They are dangerous" At this point the doors opened. I was a little shocked and I gave a somewhat confused smile to the mother. Once again, the dirty look as she dragged her now frightened daughter out the lobby doors.

Maybe the mother has some experience that makes her so afraid of "stranger danger", but it made me really sad for the little girl. I couldn't shake it off my whole way to pick up Penelope. I tend to probably be more trusting than some and believe the majority of people are good. If we all looked each other in the eyes and smiled more I think it would be even better.

It's not that I don't worry, but statistically it really doesn't make any sense to me to spend a lot of time on stranger danger worry. Being snatched by a stranger is very rare and that's why it makes the news vs the hundreds of kids who are taken by people they know. I tend to worry more about Penelope running into the alley when a car comes barreling around the corner or not being watched near a pool or if I'm not buckling her well enough in her car seat. However, just because I'm afraid of an accident of some kind doesn't mean I never let her cross the street. We teach her to look both ways, hold hands etc. Shouldn't the "stranger danger" be the same mentality? My parents told us not to let strangers into the house or get into a stranger's car, but if you know my dad he talks to everyone to the point where we would often be embarrassed. It would be odd for me to see his behavior and be told not to speak with strangers. I had no problem at 10 years old to approach a stranger in a store to politely ask for the time or strike up a conversation with an elderly couple in the airport, while I had friends who were under strict instruction to never talk to anyone. One friend was even afraid to talk to the lifeguard at our local pool. How can all of that fear be good for the world?

Today I took Penelope to swimming class right after this incident and tried to put myself in that woman's shoes. So the dad in our class that gives all the kids high fives, is he a stranger? The woman who picked up Penny's towel when she saw my hands were full? Should I have been upset by that? We left the Y right at the same time as another mother and her son. She commented to Penelope "that's a very cute teddy bear" to which Penelope replied "Dank you." It was perfect! The woman said "Awww! That's wonderful! Don't you just love when the little ones say it without us asking and at the right times? She's adorable. Have a good night" I decided I will always tell my daughter to be polite to people and expect the same in return, while also teaching her common sense about what to do with strangers if she isn't with me or Chris.

Not sure why I felt I had to blog about this. Just one of those incidents that made me reflect on my parenting philosophy I guess.